So clearly, this blogging thing didn't work out for me as planned, as it has been over a year since I wrote the first post. However, with that being said, since I am only blogging for myself (and whomever somehow stumbles across the page and cares to read it) I don't really care.
I would say the past year and two months has had highs and lows. For someone like me, who is an incredibly type A, control freak, the lack of structure has been both exhilarating and stressful. There are certainly times where I feel that leaving the rat race was the best decision of my life...like when I'm kayaking on the ocean, catching my fish dinner at four in the afternoon. I also certainly have improved my tan since leaving the office life. I enjoy being able to see friends whenever they have time, and rarely missing a family occasion.
The downside...sometimes I feel lost, or like a failure. Now, I knooooow that I am not a failure. I have saved a ton of money, and have chosen a lifestyle of freedom and flexibility. I also have a LOT of fun. There are not things a failure does. However, I can't help it. Sometimes the lack of passionate work leaves me feeling empty and like I'm not doing enough with my life.
I do work, a LOT, and honestly, it's not any more or less meaningful than when I worked on IPO's. It's not like IPO's for a crazy CEO was my life's passion. However, I still feel like I haven't figured out what I'm SUPPOSED to be doing with my life/time/energy. I feel like I don't have something that belongs to me, that is MINE to work on. That's the problem with freelance consulting...I'm at the whim of the clients who frankly are sometimes dumb.
I watched the first episode of House of Cards on Netflix the other day and was so anxious and stressed afterwards. Like, my chest legitimately was tight. I miss that fire the characters had! Again, don't get me wrong...I don't really want a life of backstabbing political crap at all, but I do miss having the passion to achieve, to DO SOMETHING.
The balance between enjoying nature/my dogs/my family and burning up with passionate work is a daily struggle. I think the path I have chosen is clearly better for my health and day to day enjoyment but it does come with a price. I definitely sometimes feel like I'm wasting my time. Let the struggle continue! Perhaps I'll figure out a better balance one of these days.
I would say the past year and two months has had highs and lows. For someone like me, who is an incredibly type A, control freak, the lack of structure has been both exhilarating and stressful. There are certainly times where I feel that leaving the rat race was the best decision of my life...like when I'm kayaking on the ocean, catching my fish dinner at four in the afternoon. I also certainly have improved my tan since leaving the office life. I enjoy being able to see friends whenever they have time, and rarely missing a family occasion.
The downside...sometimes I feel lost, or like a failure. Now, I knooooow that I am not a failure. I have saved a ton of money, and have chosen a lifestyle of freedom and flexibility. I also have a LOT of fun. There are not things a failure does. However, I can't help it. Sometimes the lack of passionate work leaves me feeling empty and like I'm not doing enough with my life.
I do work, a LOT, and honestly, it's not any more or less meaningful than when I worked on IPO's. It's not like IPO's for a crazy CEO was my life's passion. However, I still feel like I haven't figured out what I'm SUPPOSED to be doing with my life/time/energy. I feel like I don't have something that belongs to me, that is MINE to work on. That's the problem with freelance consulting...I'm at the whim of the clients who frankly are sometimes dumb.
I watched the first episode of House of Cards on Netflix the other day and was so anxious and stressed afterwards. Like, my chest legitimately was tight. I miss that fire the characters had! Again, don't get me wrong...I don't really want a life of backstabbing political crap at all, but I do miss having the passion to achieve, to DO SOMETHING.
The balance between enjoying nature/my dogs/my family and burning up with passionate work is a daily struggle. I think the path I have chosen is clearly better for my health and day to day enjoyment but it does come with a price. I definitely sometimes feel like I'm wasting my time. Let the struggle continue! Perhaps I'll figure out a better balance one of these days.
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